A recent rumor is gradually beginning to seem like a reality. During the winter, there was some word of the imminent transformation to be had in the back of Union Square, in which the wide open space and much coveted farmer’s market would be transformed into an array of small stores, like the ones that occupy the front of the park during the holiday season, where tourists are able to purchase shirts condemning politicans, candles, and other environmentally sound goods. It seems that the parks department has taken initial steps towards rendering the back on Union a long lost memory. This obviously has repercussions for those of us who occasionally skate flat there when there is nothing else to do and we have expended all other possibilities, but of course, this is not all that significant.

It is still hard to say which community has been hit hardest by this devastating new reality — the ravers/goths, the squatters, or the people who own skateboards, but are unaware of anywhere else to skate in Manhattan besides Union Square. The goths, and particularly the ravers, being the adaptive individuals that they are, as evidenced by their clinging on to a scene that has not existed for over ten years, are most likely the community with the least to lose in terms of lifestyle modifications. They are, however, at a heavy loss of prime real estate, since inevitable relocations will never quite amount to the amazing proximity Union had to Saint Mark’s Place and the Goth store on 4th Avenue. The most probable possibilities for relocation will most likely be greeted with a significant rise in overdoses on stimulants (for the ravers) and suicides (goths). Presumably, both groups will attempt to reclaim Washington Square Park from the pushing-fifty Haitian drug dealers, but will all be either arrested or scared away by the various.. umm… businesses in the park, who will be forced to choose between the revenue to be derived from both goths and ravers, and the increased police presence that would likely proceed all of the glowsticks and kids dressed like they are on their way to the Jonestown People’s Temple. Tompkins Square Park is also another candidate for relocation, but is an unlikely one when you take into account that the park closes its gates in the nighttime, and the pants both groups wear are a very significant health hazard for anyone who may wish to hop a fence, you know, with the extraneous zippers, 40 inch wide hem, and all that. Furthermore, it is a very far walk from the goth and exotic apparel store on fourth avenue, and the spanish kids from the Avenue D projects probably would not rush to establish a welcoming committee either.

The squatters will be forced to relocate to the dim corners of McCarren Park in Brooklyn, since they are not in extreme need of the various “alternative dress” stores (also known as costume shops) and inexpensive fast food places favored by the goths and ravers. If that does not work out, they can always go back to their parents’ house in Sheepshead Bay, where they ran away from due to the enforcement of a 10PM curfew.

The people who own skateboards, but do not know of places to skate besides Union Square will quit skating and become full-time sneakerheads.

Any way you slice it, it is going to be a very interesting summer.
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Other important, but not as important things:

Somebody recently posted this video of Matt Hensley’s part from Gullwing’s Full Power Trip (1988). The part was largely filmed in New York, during a mostly undocumented time in the city’s skateboarding history. There is even footage from the Harlem Banks, which many people commonly cite as never appearing in any skate video.

A pretty good Paulgar montage, despite a bit too much 12th and A.

I just wanted to say, thanks, iPhone. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane these days. Well, that and the meth.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008 at 9:05 pm and is filed under General News, Spots. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.